If you ever find yourself overwhelmed by a strong emotion, riddled with anxiety, or bogged down by negative thinking, the practice of unblending can help. The idea is that in addition to our Adult Self, we each have parts of us that hold onto the past and that communicate through certain thoughts, feelings, or sensations. When triggered by a current stressor or past trauma, these parts get activated and flood us with intense feelings that can drive impulsive behaviours, such as responding defensively, people-pleasing, or panicking. This experience, called blending, happens when we unconsciously merge with these triggered parts. The way I describe it to my clients, is that blending is like suddenly seeing through the eyes of the triggered part - we take on the perspective of a scared, angry, or lonely inner child and lose touch with our calm, grounded Adult Self.
The practice of unblending is about recognizing that those feelings belong to a part of us, rather than to our whole self. When we do this, we start to see through our adult eyes again - we gain a broader perspective on the situation and we can become curious rather than reactive. When we unblend from parts and have our Adult Self step into a leadership position, we often feel more centred, confident and calm. Unblending is a powerful skill that I teach to all of my clients, those with and without dissociation. Here are two essential steps to start practicing unblending today:
1. Attribute Intense or Overwhelming Feelings to Parts of You
The first and most important step in unblending is to assume that any strong negative feelings are communications from a part of you that is concerned about something and wants to be heard. You might not know what the part is trying to say, or who the part is, and that's ok. You might even have a hard time believing it's not the whole "you" who feels that way, but try to give it a try anyways and see what happens.
Simply by saying to yourself "a part of me feels______", rather than saying "I feel______", is often enough to decrease feelings of overwhelm and help things feel more manageable. Attributing negative feeling to a part of you can create some space from the feeling, allowing you to observe your experience more mindfully. When considering your feelings might be coming from an inner child or younger version of you, it can also help you approach your emotions with more compassion and less judgment. Here are some more examples of how to use parts language to unblend:
"A part of me is (overwhelmed, angry, worried, scared, etc)...."
"That part thinks (I'm stupid, no one likes me, I'm a failure, I'll get yelled at, etc)..."
2. Engage Your Compassionate Adult Self
Next, see if you can tap into your wise, caring Adult Self. Are you able to feel some curiosity and compassion toward that part? If you're having a hard time connecting with your Adult Self, try adjusting your posture by sitting or standing up straight and lengthening your spine. This physical shift can help you feel more stable, both mentally and emotionally, and remind you (and your parts) that you are an adult.
Ask yourself "what is this part concerned about?", "what are they trying to tell me?", "what does this part want me to know?", "what does this part need from me right now to feel less afraid?" If it's comfortable, try asking the parts these questions directly and imagine how you might respond if a friend or family member were feeling this way. This kind of compassionate conversation allows your Adult Self to provide the reassurance these parts are seeking and can help parts feel heard and understood. Through this process, you’re strengthening a relationship with your inner parts, building trust and a sense of inner security which can lead to a deeper sense of calm.
By practicing unblending, we become more emotionally resilient and are able to cope in new and effective ways. The next time you’re triggered, try to remember these steps. And if you give this practice a try and are still struggling, our highly trained and compassionate therapists are here to help.